Keeping Up With the Realists
by hidden genius
Summary: A sensitive girl thinks she is lost, but when she quits her life-long dream, she realizes she has only begun to find what she so desperately needs.
1. Chapter 1

"Lily!" The guitarist of Graceful Remnants, Jay screamed from beside me. I jumped, but didn't pick my eyes up from the page of my book. I would never ever do anything like that.

"Yes…?" I asked quietly.

"We go on in five." She replied, nudging me a little. "We shouldn't have to repeat it every five minutes so that you can get yourself ready. This is ridiculous!" She stalked off with her arms waving in the air, screaming to no one in particular.

I gave myself a little laugh, and shook my head. My friends, such as these people I have to call my friends for the press, are sort of controlling and despotical. I am just sort of laid back and relaxed. More so quiet than anything, and I just like to be left alone. As a kid, I was always like that, so my parents took me to the doctor, and the diagnosed me with all sorts of mental diseases, including bipolar disorder and social anxiety. I don't know why, because most of the time I feel fine, but then some days, just, everyone seems to hate me for no reason. In my mind, that is enough to kill myself. I don't think I will ever understand why I am so messed up. I just always will be. Of course, though, being on stage makes me feel sort of alive. I just have to put on a face for the crowd. But does anyone wonder what goes on through my head?

I guess this is why I am the singer. Well, of course I have a nice voice. I mean, who doesn't?

I walked off from my warm chair to the dressing room where I pulled on a pair of decent pants, and a nicer looking shirt. As I ran out of the dressing room door pulling my shirt over my head, Gerard Way ran past me.

Being signed to Warner Brothers Records has its perks, including being able to meet some of the neatest people in the world. I have met many bands. I am usually too shy to talk to them, but they have smiled and waved, and tried to hold conversations for the past two years. They noticed my anxieties and were nice as pie, but I just felt uncomfortable.

"Lily! I have been looking all over for you! Hurry up! You are on next." I finally had my shirt pulled down over my chest and stomach, as he pushed me onto the stage.

"There you are! We have been looking all over for you!" Ashlee, the drummer, stated while testing her drum set quickly. "We need to talk to you after the concert, you know, as a band." She sounded thoroughly pissed at me; I took it horribly. Everyone seemed mad at me all the time and it makes me want to cry. The thoughts hurt so badly; it makes my head want to explode.

I sang a few notes into the dull grey microphone, adding just as much emotion as I would on stage. I always put as much emotion into what I sang, as if it was actually happening to me. It helped to get the song's message across to the fans. Our many fans.

You see, my band didn't include the nicest people in the whole entire world. Almost everyone that met them said that they hated them. It is nice when they said they love me, because I _smile._ No one else does. Someone has to spread some subtle cheer. The cheer isn't me though. It is all the confidence I can muster, because of how incredibly messed up I am.

Assez bizarre, est-ce-que je suis.

"You girls are on in two minutes!" A man came on with a headphone setup, and waved his arms. I was thinking the whole time, and the girls looked tired. I didn't know what to say, and so many things bombarded my head at the same time. I just wanted to cry.

Being in a band of the same gender is better than being in a band of mixed for me. I don't have to worry about any guys seeing my body. I don't have to worry about anyone telling me I am ugly or fat, 

and I don't have to worry about any tension between the members. Actually, strike that, I do. The girls and I don't always get along and I am probably to blame.

The curtain slowly pulled away from in front of me and I quickly put on a smile and gave an incredibly fake laugh.

"We need you all to scream for us!" I projected into the microphone, and a few people got a little loud. "This one is called 'Should we pull the trigger?' Tis' new."

"If I am the bullet

And you are the gun

Just one, oh just one

Would we pull the trigger

Or push on the lock..." I continued the song with pain and hurt; just as much as I felt the night I wrote it. My breath got shorter from the heat. I felt like I was going to pass out, but I tried keeping my cool.

I continued on with a few more originals. Quite frankly, I just wanted to be off the stage and out of the view of anyone. I blatantly finished off the rest of the songs, and began to say our goodbyes. I dropped the microphone and walked backstage abruptly, and the rest of the girls followed suit.

"What was that? What did you think you were doing? You sucked." The bassist, Mary Anne, yelled from across the room, grabbing a water, and throwing at me. I picked it up after she missed, and threw it out the window.

"I am done. I am completely done. I am sick of being treated like something you threw in the garbage last week. I hope you are all content. Good-bye." I walked out of the room and over to Gerard. My breathing got heavy and I slowly cried. Tears falling in small intervals, as he hugged me.

"Are you alright?" He asked concern filling his wavering voice. "Please tell me."

"I am fine. But, you need to take me to the airport. I am done with this. Please?" He nodded in reply and grabbed his keys.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked running a hand through his long black hair.

"I am sure."

And that was the last time that I ever talked to anyone in that life. I came to the conclusions that they would find someone else. Anyone else was better than the overemotional train wreck that I have to see in the mirror every day.

-A month later-

I moved to the suburbs around Las Vegas. I had decided previously that I wanted to go the University of Las Vegas, for creative writing, of course. I would have so much experience, and I already had made so much money, because of being nineteen, and being in a fairly successful band since I was seventeen and graduated.

I sat back in the chair in my apartment near the campus. Walking distance, you know. I felt it was safer walking that short distance. Anyway-I stared out the window for a while, but then continued on with my book. I turned a page, eyes glued and transfixed. The apartment was warm and cozy. It wasn't gigantic, or anything to be a bragging fool about, but it kept me dry and happy. I let myself sink into the chair a little more, being as soft and comfy as it was.

I then decided to get up and work on a shower. I had my writing class in an hour, and then a chemistry class, then I would be done for the day. I had decided to not take too many classes. Major is writing and minor in chemistry. That worked for me. I played with the chilly purple ring I have on my lip, as I was walking down the hallway. I grabbed a clean towel, and entered the bathroom.

Not too long after that I vacated the bathroom for fog reasons, and got myself dressed. I decided to head out early and get some coffee, so I tied my dirty green chuck taylors, and walked out the door.

The hallway was long, but not long enough for a girl who is looking for coffee. No-longing for coffee. A I had finally made my way to the small coffee shop down the street and ordered my usual. I looked up to see a familiar boy with a goofy grin handing me my coffee.

"Here is your change, beautiful." He said as I picked the coins up off the counter.

"Thankyou. That was extremely nice of you to say." Every day this boy would bring me my coffee, and every day I would say the same thing. He kept his goofy smile, though, as he handed me my coffee.

"Don't burn those pretty lips of yours…"He whispered as I grabbed my coffee, but he wouldn't let go.

"What is your name? You are so sweet and kind to me, and I still haven't gotten it." I replied quietly. He slapped his forehead.

"I forgot to introduce myself. Brendon Urie is my name, and telling unnoticed girls they are still beautiful is my game." He said.

"Well, Brendon. Thank you for the compliment, but I have college to attend."

"Okay. Come back soon pretty lady!" I smiled before I opened the doors, but after I stepped into the outside world, a frown supported my face. I felt stares on me as I walked, but I knew they weren't because I am beautiful. No, they are definitely because I am strange, and ugly.


	2. Chapter 2

I picked up from where I left off, walking down the street with my hot coffee towards my college. I only had two classes to attend; this was no back breaking matter. The streets were warm; it was a lovely day for the spring. That was one thing that killed me about spring. It is so unpredictable. You never know what is going to happen, and as much as I _love _surprises, rain when it isn't needed isn't very fun to walk to school in. Let me assure you this. My creative writing class is first, I thought as I kept a straight stare at the sidewalk in front of me. I finally reached the building, pulling the doors open, trying to hold my messenger bag filled with reading material and textbooks.

I made it inside cautiously, and found my way to my creative writing class respectively. I took the normal seat, and spent the time writing my assignment. It is a song. I know it is weird, since I haven't written a song since I was in the band, but I had to give it a shot. What could it hurt?

Leaving that class is the hardest thing I ever have to do. Once the two hour block was over, I grabbed my messenger bag, and headed out the door. Only, I didn't notice I was missing something very important. One of the things I hate about me-I can't remember a freaking thing for more than five minutes unless it is some random knowledge I know I will never use. I heard someone yelling from behind me, but I ignored them figuring that it was some jerk trying to pick on me.

Yes, that happens all the time. I am not exactly the most beautiful girl in the world. I have straight, short brown hair with dark purple streaks, I am sort of thin, and I wear mismatching clothes. Not exactly beauty queen of the century.

I had finally finished my chemistry class an hour later, that one being my least favorite, and started to walk home. The walk was lonely, but it was a beautiful day. I was always sort of alone. People really like me, don't get me wrong. I smile a lot, and I make friendly conversation. Most would say that I am very charming and personable. Which, I _am_.

That doesn't make up for my lack of confidence, though, which is my most tragic flaw. I think that is the biggest thing in someone's life. Most don't ever know what their flaws are. They try to forget about that, or just not even thing about it. I rue the day that I figured out that. I always will.

I stuck my hands in my sweatshirt pockets, and took my time walking back to my house in the lovely outskirts of Las Vegas. I took my time to notice every detail about the scene. There were trees and green everywhere, despite the lack of rain. The birds were out, chirping at each other, making a ruckus, while the squirrels were climbing those very trees stealing nuts for a snack.

Those things interest me. Every living detail of the world come to life through one giant life-like painting, just waiting to be filled in completely. Well, that will only come at the end of the world, I suppose.

I unlocked the door to my house, and took my shoes off. I ran up to my room, took off my pants and shirt, and replaced them with boy-shorts and a tank top. The spring weather made it sort of hot in my house, and I don't have air conditioning. That is a luxury that I have yet to receive.

Besides, I live in my house _alone_, so I don't have to worry about scaring anyone with my nakedness. There goes my lack of self confidence again.

I made a dinner of rice with meat and soy sauce. My book was calling for me; I was just longing for another page. I began to read, holding the book above my head like each page was gold. Then, the ringing of my door bell and a loud knock broke me out of my dream cloud.

I opened the door without lament, and greeted the comer with a smile.

"Hello. May I help you?" I asked with my smile still not fading from my face.

"Umm…Actually, you might be able to. Do you know a Lilly Reed?" He asked. His brown hair fell in his giant brown eyes, as he gave me a weak smile back.

"That would be me. What is this?" I said as he handed me a notebook that looked oddly familiar.

"This is your notebook, or so it says right here. I found your address in it, and was hoping that I could find you."

"Well. You found me. I need to say thank you properly. What is your name?" I asked-not trying to be a stalker. I just wanted to know his name.

He hesitated, and then answered politely. "My name is Ryan Ross."He stuck his hand out for me to shake. "Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too. Would you like to come in?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"I don't want to impose. You must be busy." He refused.

"I am not at all. I live alone. You may come in if you like, or we can go get some coffee."

"Okay. Let's go get coffee. I can't refuse that kind of offer." He smiled his charming, straight-toothed smile, and I led him in the house.

"Then I need to get dressed." I motioned towards my horrifically skimpy attire and he nodded wildly.

"That might be a good idea."He added, as I ran up my steps, throwing my old clothes back on.

I took no more than five minutes to get my clothes back on, and to brush my hair. Letting the pony tail down and watching my hair fall in my face. My hair always covered most of my face, giving just enough room to let one eye out to see.

I herded right back down the steps and ran over to Ryan.

"Done." I spun around and grabbed my keys, pulling his hand out of the door. "We need to get there before the rest of the college kids get out of class and it gets flooded with retarded people. " I smiled my brace-free smile and he just smiled back.

"Don't smile." He said as he threw me a smile back. I locked the door and turned to him.

"How could I not smile? Look at you." I blushed and he blushed and it was just a blushing frenzy.

"So let's get to know each other, shall we?" I smiled, and he pulled me closer to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh, but we didn't even go there.

Ryan pulled me close to him and whispered in my ear. "Some things are worth waiting for." He smiled.

"Most are, and the impatient cry." I replied quietly in my shyest voice, although, something was different. I felt so comfortable around this man, and I hardly knew him. Things were different with Ryan, and it was nice. For the first time in my life, I felt truly special.

"Touché."

"Hahaha…I know." He pulled me even closer, if that was possible, and as close as he was pulling me, I didn't feel uncomfortable. He was just so warm, and smelled like dryer sheets. Hey, at least he knows how to do laundry.

We entered the coffee shop and quickly ordered what we were having, then high-tailed it out of there. We started talking; I am not one to talk to people openly about my life. I poured out all my thoughts to him, like running water. He just listened. There was no need for speaking. Every once in a while he nodded his head, but other than that, he was silent. Eventually, even I got silent as I took sharp breaths. Talking a lot always got rid of my breath quickly, because I was so used to empty vocal chords. _Unnerving silence._

"I have an idea. You should come to my band practice tonight. I promise it will be worth it." Ryan said, his eyes closed, as he lay on the grass.

"I will. I am sure to be impressed with your amazing skills." I said and he raised an eyebrow.

"I will get you home so you can get ready or whatever you need to do, and then I will pick you up at five o'clock. It is already four, so you don't have too much time. Besides, you don't need a lot of time to make yourself pretty. Hell, you don't need any time at all." I blushed at the compliment and nodded.

He took my hand and walked me home to my springy house. It was really nice to be home, but I was so excited for that night. I liked Ryan. He was really sweet.

An hour later, I waited on my couch for Ryan to come. He came directly on time, and led me out to his car. It was kind of small, and looked really old, but it was ok. It smelled like him, and that just made the ride so much better.

He looked over at me and smiled.

"You look lovely, of course as you did earlier." He gave me a charming smile as he said this and I just rolled my eyes.

"Don't be so cursory, my dear gentleman. Everything will come in good time." I replied, being philosophical.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"It means you are being too hasty to be my friend. Chill out, man."I replied in lemans terms, and he giggled. Yes, giggled.

"Ha-ha…Again. Touché. For when you talk, you really have things to say. Don't you?" He turned a corner onto a new street to me, and began to slow down.

"Yes, I always had a lot to say. I just had no one to listen."

"I will always listen to what you have to say. Oh, this is our stop." He gave me a quick smile as he parked, turned the car off, and opened his door to get out. I started to open my door, but he ran, yes ran, over to my side and finished opening me door. "Mademoiselle." He bowed and I chuckled.

"Monsieur. Tu es très gentil, bien sur. "

"Merci pour le compliment." He replied.

"Je vous en prie." I came back with, and he just smiled.

"French, eh?"

"Yes, of course. Five years of French, and I loved every minute of it." I charmed my way out, and he slipped his hand in my hand. He wriggled his long, soft fingers against my knuckles, which tickled.

Ryan opened the door for me, and I smelled cookies right away. Leave it to me to smell food. He laughed, as he watched me get wide-eyed in excitement, and he could feel me shaking.

"Will you stop shaking-It is just band _practice._" Ryan said quickly and with a smile, as he wriggled his fingers more, making me calm down.

"I smelled cookies…I am not nervous about your practice at all. Been there. Done that." I replied waving my hand. Band practice is seriously no big deal. I have been on that stage; I know what it is like to be a band and be "together".

"You have been in a band?" He asked, with his honey brown eyes beating down on me.

"No…of course not…" My voice dripped with sarcasm. I left my old life behind, and I don't want to and never will go back. Being surreptitious is fine with me. He wrapped his arm around my waist lovingly, and lightly as I walked down into the basement of their "practice space"-and/or someone's house…

In the room there were a couple instruments, but of course, nothing special. It was like our starting practice space. _We were so young and so restless._ It brought back memories, and some of them weren't half bad-I am not a huge fan of the scene anymore though.

"Hey Ryan," Someone near the microphone said, "Hello…Gorgeous girl at the coffee shop?" The boy with the dark hair, the boy that hits on me at the coffee shop looked confused. His red glasses fell sort of crooked, and he pouted his lips at the side of his head, making himself look young and helpless.

"Hi Brendon." I replied coolly and his eyes went wide in amazement.

"You remember my name?" He looked star-struck as I raised my voice yet again.

"Of course. You were one of the first people to tell me that I am pretty and worth having around. Besides, you make good coffee." I smiled and he laughed. I let loose in front of these two guys like they were spandex. They would have never thought I had social disorders out the wazoo. Ryan squeezed my side a little, and smiled at me, then gave a stare at Brendon like he did something wrong.

Brendon just ignored him and turned the microphone on.

"Everyone- This is Lilly. Lilly-this is Spencer and Brent. We call ourselves Panic! at the Disco, with an exclamation point after panic."

"Wow. That is a great name. I really like it. Hi Spencer and Brent." I waved and the boys gave me small nods, and Spencer pointed at me with his drumsticks.

"This song is for Lilly." He said formally as he started hitting the drum. Ryan squeezed me in a hug, let go, and grabbed his guitar. I gave all the guys a warm smile as they began. Ryan started playing chords, and then Brendon starting singing. Brent played along on his bass. I wasn't really able to tell much of the bass was in the song, but I liked it anyway. The song was great. I mean, the beat was something to dance for, and I hate dancing.

"You like it?" Ryan asked when he finished playing the last couple of songs, and after arguing about the chorus of the one song. "I still hate that chorus."

"It sounds like it-but I love it. I LOVE it." I smiled and he pulled me in closer to his chest forcefully.

"Good." He smiled and winked at me, pulling me into his chest. He then gently wrapped his long arms around me and told me he would take me home.

I waved to all of the guys and Ryan drove me home. He stopped me at my door and gave me his number. With a kiss on my hand, and a squeeze of my waste, he was gone.

_Am I dreaming?_

**I hope not.**

_**Is she dreaming? Find out in the next part of 'Keeping up with the Realists.'**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-keeping up!

I found my way in the door and grabbed my book. Nestled into the couch, I tried to read. Unfortunately, for the first time in my life, I couldn't read. The thought of Ryan made me linger on his thoughts. His thoughts of me. Another part of all those insecurities that harbor deep in my chest, even if they do make me who I am. Even if they make me _strange_. I will have to find a way to ignore all the negativity inside myself.

Sleep couldn't even settle me. I spent all night trying to catch my eyes and make them droop. Even just for a few minutes. But, as the sun started to come up, I rendered it impossible. I lay in bed, thinking. All the time. Wordless thoughts. God.

The now green ring on my lip felt sort of warm, my guesses from being pushed against my pillow all night while I tossed and turned. I quickly took it out and put it on my nightstand in a tissue so no germs could get it. I then shifted in my bed a small bit, and let my legs fall down the side. The swung gently for a few moments while I collected myself and pushed my butt off the bed. The floor was also warm, so I figured it meant for a warm day in Nevada. Hell, when wasn't there a warm day in Nevada?

By ten o'clock, I had a shower, breakfast, and was already bored out of my mind. A figured on getting coffee early, so I grabbed my shoes, tied them on my feet, and ran out the door. Not forgetting my keys and lip ring in my wake. I adjusted it with my tongue on my lip, finally it was just right.

My hair ruffled in the slight breeze, but other than that small bit of chill, the streets were already smoldering with mirages of water I would have been so grateful for at the moment. That second I stepped out of the door of the apartment complex, I felt a dry thirst. The heat hit me so hard, but coffee would be within my reach soon.

I opened the large doors into the small coffee shop and made my way to the counter. The boy, Brendon, greeted me at the counter once again, today, like every day.

"Hi Brendon." I said with a sweet tone in my voice. He smiled.

"Why hello there, Lilly. Fancy seeing you here again. I was actually just going for my morning break."

"Wow. Neat timing, I guess. Would you please make me a large coffee first?"

"Of course I will. But afterwards, maybe you would like to sit with my while I take my break?"

"Sure thing. I came out early. I don't have classes for another hour." I check the clock and then looked at the innocent boy with red glasses.

He handed me my coffee and led me to a small booth at the other end of the shop, motioning for me to sit down in the booth bench across from him. I did has he suggested, and found myself enjoying his presence. Brendon asked me about the practice and how I _really_ felt about it, even though I had a lot of fun listening to _their_ music. What was once _my_ music.

Then I broke out of my thoughts with the mention of another.

"Ryan was enthused that you came last night, you know." He added warily, looking me straight in the eye.

"I was hoping so. I really didn't want him to be tired of me already. I feel like I can trust you guys more than anyone I have ever met in my life. That is a huge compliment on your part because I never trust anyone." His glasses fell down his nose and I pushed them up before he even got to move a muscle. I smiled at him in the friendliest way I could muster; he looked deep in thought.

"Whoa. Well…I meant he _really really likes_ you. He came back and couldn't stop talking about you. We didn't mind listening, but man, he was just-he wouldn't shut up." The last few words really made me blush, but also made me more inquisitive.

"What exactly did he say?" I asked, trying to hide my enthusiasm that someone was interested in me.

"He said about your intelligence. How nothing gets past you." I chuckled to myself as he continued. "He also mentioned about your beauty, which of course, _I_ completely agreed about. He just overall couldn't stop talking about all the good things. Then, he started talking about how you think everyone hates you and how you hate yourself." I nodded.

"I always thought that. I know it has to be true. It explains the last few years of my life."

"We can't believe it. We won't believe it." He conceded.

"I wish you would." With that, I stood up and threw my cup away. I muttered my complete apologies for running off so soon, and touched his hand slightly. I was out of there in a second, clutching to the bag that was currently falling off of my shoulders.

I ran to my class, making it there in record time. There was only one person there, and it just happened to be God. Nope, definitely Ryan.

"Hullo." He said, picking up his head, hair falling over his brown orbs.

"Hi. What are you writing?" I said, picking up the piece of paper from his desk, eyeing it cautiously.

"Just yesterday's assignment, of course. Procrastinating-as usual. You can't possibly expect any less." He flashed me some pearly whites and I got a chill. What the hell? This boy and his smiles. They make me sort of weak!

"Hahaha. I finished mine quick enough. I brought out my notebook, as I sat in the seat next to him. I opened the page and let him read it for himself.

My writing was scribble, but he still read intently.

To the demolition lovers

We die to laugh

We'll die laughing

All the way to the end

Oh so we tend, oh so we tend

When tears pour like the rain

Never again

And so we find the star-crossed lovers

Dying for their sins

Not being the only ones to make that mistake

Do you know how to feel pain?

Would you die for me? For this?

For us?

When all you see is apathy, can you trust

And when you find that we're all dead, will you recoil from what you've seen?

Just not another teen suicide story, but

Another love run closed

Oh you can hate me if you want

But this unoriginal love is so much fun

You say you're so serious with a lover you just met

But next week when you break up

Will you regret?

"I never got the ring on the left."

Anger can only boil for a while

Then you have to let it rest

Would you die for me?

For this? For us?

When all you see is apathy

Can you trust?

I think this is best we've ever had

I will miss this buuut…

Would you die for me? For this?

For us?

When all you see is apathy

Can you trust?

And when you find that we're all dead

Will you recoil from what you've seen?

Just not another teen suicide story, but

Another love run closed

Oh you can hate me if you want

But this unoriginal love is so much fun

And stare at the cuts on our wrists

Because we end like this.

"Woah. I never knew anyone could write like this." He whispered, after he finished reading the lyrics.

"You should. They mirror yours," I said as he stared.

"You read my lyrics?"

"Of course. Why else would I steal them from your desk?"

"Because you wanted to throw that shit away." He replied, obviously not being serious. Or was he?

"Of course not. I love yours more than mine, and I have had quite enough practice." I smiled at the silly boy as people filed in the classroom, finally one of the people being the prof, who wanted to read our assignments.

"You are on drugs." He whispered, as the Prof Came by his desk and read his, then read mine. He then read the blond girl's behind me, and shook his head.

"You have to add more EMOTION, Allie. EMOTION!!" He screamed throughout the room, while the rest of the class snickered. The girl that needed emotion almost cried, but ran out of the room before we could see.

I felt like the rest of the class was fairly uneventful. None of it meant anything to me. Ryan's lyrics shook me.

_You're a regular decorated emergency._

_The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you left._

I felt like I was intruding on some important part of his personal life I wasn't supposed to know about. It hurt me.

_Why should I be so hurt about a man I hardly know?_

_**Is she literally insane? Find out in the next installment of 'Keeping up with the Realists…"!**_


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5- Keeping up!

The rest of the class went by monotonously; I wasn't paying attention to a word that the prof said. I was, yet again, thinking about what Ryan had wrote. God.

I couldn't keep my thoughts off this guy for a couple minutes! The thoughts made me mad at myself, and soon I was in a war with my own brain. I then realized that class was over and I was stalking out of the room, whispering frantic madness at myself. Everyone was staring at me when I woke up from my daydream, but I just shrugged it off and continued to walk to class.

But, when I started to feel sick, I ran to the room, told the prof I was going to be sick and went home. I quickly threw off my shoes and ran to the bathroom (which coincidentally is right off of the main room from the door) where I got sick and puked my guts out.

Everything about me was tearing myself up inside. Thank god I had remembered to take my meds this morning. Or did I? I picked my head up from off the floor by the side of the toilet and groaned. I checked my pill box and realized I forgot to take my meds this morning.

"Shit." I moaned, clutching my stomach. "Side effects of addiction." I had been taking these medications since I was about ten years old. When I forgot, I would get sick and pass out and things.

I crawled up off the floor in the bathroom and dialed the first number I could find.

7-8-4-3-9…Crap, I thought. Fuzzy. Better try dialing again. 7-8-4-3-9-1-0…the phone rang silently, but all I could hear was the ringing in my ears.

"Hello." Ryan asked quietly with his velvet voice.

"Ryan. It's..." Becoming fuzzy again. Head spinning. Round and…Ughhh! "Lilly." Gulp. "Get to my apartment…" Groan. "Quickly!" I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom, puking of course. I propped myself up on the side of the counter, and waited for his arrival.

I heard knocks on the door, but falling in and out of consciousness really doesn't help the coherency matter at all. I groaned at the thudding noises and reverberations off of the floor as someone came running in. Not one someone-but a couple someones.

"LILLY?!" I heard one scream of Ryan as he galloped into the room.

"Stop right there. Be quiet. Head spinning. Feel..." I puked into the toilet and began again. "Sick. Get meds and drink…Please?!" He tiptoed to the medicine bottle I 

pointed to and handed another person the pill. It looked like Brendon through my blurred vision. The young boy came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"You are going to be fine, Lilly. You will. Promise." I could feel his breathing on my forehead and on my scalp as his head hovered over mine. I couldn't feel much anymore; everything seemed to be slipping away fast.

"Here," Ryan whispered as Brendon popped the pill in my mouth. Ryan poured the drink in my mouth and told me to swallow. I faintly heard him and swallowed like he said. Then, I passed out.

Someone put a cold wash cloth on my face and I winced at the freezing compress. I groaned as I turned over and realized my head hurt like a bitch.

"Ughhh…" I threw the cloth off of my head and put my palm to it, sliding my fingers up and down my temples.

"She lives!" An overly-happy dude threw himself at me and hugged me relentlessly.

"Ughhh…" I repeated for emphasis, and he let me go, lightly touching my forehead.

"You hit your head off the toilet when you passed out. I'm not surprised your head –or anything else for that matter-hurts." He reminded me and I smacked him in the arm.

"And you couldn't catch me?" I replied, closing my eyes.

"NO, you can't go back to sleep now. You have to stay awake. You might have a concussion and I might have to take you to the hospital. Do you have any family around here?"

"No…My parents don't want to be bothered with me anymore. I told you I live alone."

"Well…you still have to stay awake. Brendon drove everyone home. They needed to get home before their parents killed them." He chuckled a bit, but then became more serious. "My dad is going to be pissed."

"How so?"

"I skipped half of my classes today to help you. If he finds out…I don't even want to think about it."

"I'm sorry Ryan. I should have just done it myself. I was really out of it, though. I can't remember much."

"I knew you wouldn't. Don't worry about it. It's only two in the morning."

"_Two? _I have been out for a really long time."

"Yes, you have. I was just about to get you to the hospital. But, now I guess I don't have to worry about that."

"No." I replied half-heartedly as I looked around the room. Everything was cleaned up-my book left at its page on the table. Just the way I had it.

"Do you need a drink or something? I think we should let you sit up and get some Tylenol and water or juice or something."

"I can get it myself."

"NO! I am getting it. I won't let you get up until your head doesn't hurt anymore. We have to sit you up gradually-or you might pass out again. I don't want that. You don't look pleasant when you are passed out."

"Thanks."

He got me a drink and a pill. A half hour later I could no longer feel the pounding headache that plagued me for the longest time.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Never been better. I am so sorry I have kept you up all night."

"I'm glad I helped you. I am skipping all my classes today, though. I won't be able to function. My dad is gonna be so pissed. Maybe Brendon will let me stay with him again. Or Spencer. I can't go home now. He will be horrible." Ryan had a distressed look on his face.

"You can stay here for as long as you would like. This _is_ a_ two_ bedroom apartment, you know."

"I don't want to impose."

"You aren't. I will love the company. It will be great." I smiled at him with warmth.

Ryan hugged me from his position on the couch and smiled. "I really appreciate this. I will owe you forever."

"You don't owe me anything."

_**Is this just a side effect from the meds? Find out in the next chapter!!**_


End file.
